Survival Tip in the far-far away #1

27-Jan 6.29am

Living in a settlement far away from the mainland or the busy buzzy city streets teaches you a lot. One of it is on how to survive. And as I am part of this far-far-away kingdom, I need to find my ways of living in here. After all, 24 years of living with average luxury and facilities can make you choppy! Haha! Time to pull up that socks and learn the little tricks of surviving in a below average-remote-settlement.

Thus, this post is dedicated to sharing one tip on how to survive in the so-called far-far away kingdom. Tip number 1 is of course how to take a bath. Yes, you do not have a porcelain bath tub with bubbles and scented candles lighted around. Yes, you do not have speed-force adjustable shower springs that also come in temperature-friendly settings. Oh yes, you also don’t get to sing yourself in the bathroom running along tap water or in this case, CLEANER water. No no no! you simply can’t afford such efficiency.

But what we do have in a far-far away bathroom is of course water, rain water to be exact, which can either be soothingly warm or ice-crushing cold. And this, we are at the mercy of the weather. If you feel like in Brazil, having a tan, then your water is warm. And if you feel like when you roll naked on the ice grounds of North Pole, then you have cold water. Most of the times though, you bathe cold. But isn’t that good? You feel cool all the time. It’s like when you feel wearing a Rayban IN THE MALL. So cool and which part of it is cool, I have no idea.

And being at the mercy of the weather, we really can’t soap and scrub every inch of our bacteria-fungus-nonsense infected body! Say good bye to the shower caps, spongy soap and Katy Perry live concerts!

You bathe only ONCE a day when the weather is good (when there’s rain and shine or more rain than shine). Sometimes you bathe once in TWO days (when the sun’s so scorching your Justin Bieber lips get fried!). And how long are you ADVISABLY ALLOWED in the bathroom for you to bathe?

Simply follow the Wet-Soap-Rinse-Dry Method!

1)  You enter the bathroom and strip (or if you prefer to bersarung or berseluar pendek).

2)    Turn on the tap and wet yourself. This takes only about 10-15 seconds MAX! If you happen to be Godly FAT, then add another 5 seconds to reach those “SELDOM REACHED” areas, usually covered in layers of cholesterol! As you wet yourself, to make sure your body is wet, use your hand and like wiping tables, make it around your body, getting the water everywhere.

3) Turn OFF the tap.

4) Now soap yourself. Reminder: you don’t want to “I Am A Little (or FAT) Soapman!” covering your entire self with bubbles and foam. No, you are not competing in the American Got Talent, bathroom edition! Make it simple. Make it quick.

5)    Later, you generously turn on the tap and rinse of that soap. If you want to shampoo your hair or use a facial wash, do that ALL while soaping. Rinse off every sin you accumulated for the day. Again. You don’t stand like the Statue of Liberty holding the tap and letting the water run you down. You move your hands around washing away the soap. This process takes around a maximum of 3-5 minutes. (if you have Goldilocks-long hair, don’t shampoo it every day! No Sunsilk company will make you their ambassador!)

6)   Dry yourself and leave!

There you have it – Survival Tip in the Far-Far Away #1 : How to bathe!

Stay tuned for more survival tips or leave me a comment on other things you would want to learn.