27-Jan 10pm
Right at the
dot of when it happens, you think twice sometimes even more than just two. You
think if you should battle it head front not knowing its potential risk that
may turn otherwise or you just surrender and move on to where you can exploit
more of your skills and talents. It comes to us at some point in life where we
face this dilemma, of whether we should continue down this road. Should we just
take it on as it comes withstanding all of its currents? Should we believe in
ourselves to do more than what we have been given? Should we strive harder
trying to prove what we initially taught was impossible – try to defy gravity?
Yes, in the
midst of a crisis we often think of all the options we have and how it will
turn out to be. We decide or should I say pre-assume an outcome that may or may
not even work in our favour. And in such circumstances, we often go with the
one less treacherous with a more supposedly positive outcome.
Sometimes
when we are at a junction, unable to decide the road to take, we think of many
things – mostly clouded by dark energies. Should we just retreat, taking a road
more familiar with a, I repeat, pre-assumed positive outcome? Should we just
clarify issues rather than taking it all head on? Should we just try to succumb to whatever
that comes without showing enthusiasm and ignoring anything that comes along
with it? And is that due to having no other options? Or have we lost all hope
leaving nothing but despair?
Yes, this is
a crisis. And in my state, it is a teaching crisis.
Having to
teach both major languages, the Malay and English language in a National-Type
School can be a challenge. Moreover when you are given classes whose pupils
(which I have decided to re-use this term, rather than students) know almost
nothing, let alone reading it, you just have to start from point zero. And even
so, what if, what if that point zero itself requires a great amount of work and
determination that you feel you can’t see the future or even predicting it,
based on how much is at stake. These pupils are really weak. And they really
don’t get a word you say. They stare at you blankly when you ask, “Sudah
habis?” They look at you waiting for some sort of Godly-wisdom shining. And
when you simply are given such a situation, yes you think twice about this
profession or the direction that you are headed to. I have no qualms about them
being weak or not being able to even say “Selamat pagi” on their own. I have no
grudges or irritation towards their levels. No, I do not feel so. In fact, I
want to help them out.
But the
problem comes when you are facing a wall right at your nose. A thick concrete
wall that separates you from your lessons to your pupils; the medium of
instruction. You see in many schools, most subjects are taught in their major
mother tongue based on the type of school. And so here, Mandarin is used to
teach. A lot of translation, explanation and clarification are made through
Mandarin. And while that helps the pupils a lot, some even find it difficult
because Mandarin is another language by itself. The people here speak Teochew,
a dialect in the Chinese language. And so, learning Mandarin itself is
difficult. What more of using a second language to teach a subject in the third
party position? It is like using Japanese to teach English to a bunch of
Indonesians. LOL!
This
saddened me a lot. I had no idea how to teach. I don’t even know how to speak
Mandarin, let alone dialects. I felt so down and had no options on how to go
about teaching them. I felt useless. And for the past five and a half years, I
felt it was nothing. I really was lost and did not know what to do.
But then, do
we want to always run back to where we came from and start anew? Do we want to
take the road that leads to a more satisfying situation, leaving all this
behind? Do we really want to give up?
Think before
you answer.
Because if
you said no, then the road will only get harder. And then, there is no
certainty that you will turn out victorious. You might even fall deeper for
over-doing things out of your capacity. Will you find satisfaction? Or shall
you seek the depth of grave? Will you find justice or shall you succumb to
whatever fate decides?
But then if
you said yes, what is next? A new school? A new place? A new environment? And
what if you face something else there? Do you live the rest of your life
running away every time a boulder is placed ahead of you? Will you ever find
solace? Will you ever find peace? Will you ever seek your purpose?
Not knowing
of what to do, I only embraced what was ahead of me. I decided to take on the
challenge. Learning small words - words that you use frequently in class.
“Copy”, “Pencil”, “Understand”, “Sit” etc.
And in the
process of that, I found a way. I related better to the pupils. They seem to
understand a little bit more than before. They enjoyed the class or rather
sailed through with me. Because what I did most of the time is stopping midway,
running to the next class, asking for a translation of a word, coming back and
jotting it down on a self-
made dictionary.
And you know
something, it is working. I may not lead them to getting an A or even excelling
the subject, but to know that they return home knowing a word in Malay or
English becomes all the more gratifying. It is a gift that only us teachers are
granted with.
To be able to instill something in a child that soon becomes his way of life.
To be able to instill something in a child that soon becomes his way of life.
I thank God for allowing me this opportunity. I thank myself for not wanting to run away. Above all, I thank my pupils for trying so hard coping with me who learns to translate word to word while teaching them.
Sometimes, a
crisis is not when you decide on a decision. It is merely a distraction to
where you are supposed to head. A mirage.
Therefore,
the next time, you come to a junction, think. Do think. But let it not overtake
your true intentions. Let is not master your actions.
Good night.
Adios.
Beautiful masterpiece :)
ReplyDeleteyou dilla? haha!
DeleteMy soul was having a good journey with you there :) I miss you and your brain, suresh 😂
ReplyDeletehahaha! oh dear! :D missed you and golek-ness! haha
Deletehahaha! oh dear! :D missed you and golek-ness! haha
Delete